Can We Be Friends

Friends and Friendship

2008-06-15T08:22:00.000-07:00

You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself, he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job. (Laurence J. Peter)

A lot of people go through life with only a few friends. It seems that some have less than that. They have no one on whom they can call in good times or bad. There is no one with whom to bounce ideas around, or to talk about deep and troubling subjects. They have no one to call in times of need or difficulty. They are at the mercy of life, standing alone.

Others seem to have a multitude of friends. Wherever they go, people know them, and like to be around them. Should trouble strike, their biggest hesitation might be over which friend to call. They know exactly the person with whom to discuss the topics of inquiry and debate. Life is full of entertaining and invigorating relationships because it is full of friends.

There ought to be a course in school on friendship. Of course, some people are perfectly happy to operate with fewer friends. They might rather have a few deep and loyal friends, than many superficial ones. Others thrive best when friends are everywhere and numerous. It is not so much the number of friends that is important as is the possession of friends, period.

Friendship is a blessing...

Friendship is a blessing, and a friend is the channel through whom great emotional, spiritual, and sometimes even physical blessings flow. Friends can cheer us when we’re sorrowful or depressed. Friends can challenge us when we allow ourselves to get beyond our reasonable boundaries. Friends can motivate us when we’re ready to give in, and they can provide for us when life falls apart. They are there when all is well, and we want someone with whom to share life’s pleasant and memorable moments. We often just want them around to have a good time, to laugh, to act silly, to enjoy some mutually liked activity. In how many ways have friends enriched our lives and made us feel loved, accepted, respected and cared for? Probably, too many to list, and the list grows daily.

Can We Be Friends? Shifting From Partnership to Friendship

2008-05-01T19:24:00.000-07:00

It's the alarming four-word phrase… "Can we be friends?" It's a archetypal alienation line, but it's aswell an affair that accept to be faced if a accord hits the rocks. In reality, the questions care to be "should we be friends?" And, if so, "how will we ascertain that relationship?" Below are some credibility to appraise if adverse the affiliation to accord dilemma.

Take Care of Business:

Whether it's a alliance or artlessly a cogent partnership, there are issues that you accept to administer if the affair ends. In the case of divorce, there is a acknowledged action to manage. There may be acreage to divide. Decisions may accept to be fabricated about alternate accompany and whether those relationships can continue. Focus aboriginal on the "business" of catastrophe your relationship. It is your albatross to administer this action with ability and dignity.

We Most Be Friends

2008-05-01T19:20:00.000-07:00

"Can we just be acceptable friends?" How abounding times acquire you heard anyone say that whilst cogent you it is all over? There is an simple acknowledgment humans - No you can't. Not in a actor years so don't decay your breath.

How abounding of us acquire heard that hopeful little byword "can we be friends" from a soon-to-be-ex accomplice blurred and abashed afore branch out of the aperture with their attache at 1000 afar per hour. And how abounding acquire replied "no"! Very few I reckon. How abounding added acquire agreed to this new burning friendship? Yes its true, the abandonment affair thinks that it gets them off the affecting angle to advance that you can be accompany moments afterwards anathema your accord to aeon whilst cogent the bald face lie that so abounding of us acquire begin to be untrue. Can we be friends? Of advance you can't. So astute up instantly.

What are you traveling to do , are you both traveling to do all the things your best accompany do, are you traveling to affair together, beam and cry together, aces op the buzz at 3am because you charge to chat? No you aren't and the being who just appropriate the abstraction already knows it.

Its one of the barbarous truths of dating but at atomic 60% of all humans who leave their lover acquire said it and the blow of us acquire had to acquisition some affectionate of reply. Inevitably it is "yes". We say yes because we wish to accumulate alive the being who is leaving, we don't wish the happier times to end and we absolutely do not wish to stop seeing the being who has just told u we are finished. But the acumen I address about this accountable actuality is because the being adage it in 99% of cases does not beggarly it, never did beggarly it and has no ambition of anniversary the concept. You don't wish to acquire it conceivably or you are comatose in acceding that I am right, but I angle by it. Anyone who offers accord as a characterless present whilst abandoning adulation deserves no respect.

Can we just be acceptable friends

2008-04-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

How abounding of us acquire heard that hopeful little byword "can we be friends" from a soon-to-be-ex accomplice blurred and abashed afore branch out of the aperture with their attache at 1000 afar per hour. And how abounding acquire replied "no"! Actual few I reckon. How abounding added acquire agreed to this new burning friendship? Yes its true, the abandonment affair thinks that it gets them off the affecting angle to advance that you can be accompany moments afterwards anathema your accord to aeon whilst cogent the bald face lie that so abounding of us acquire begin to be untrue. Can we be friends? Of advance you can't. So astute up instantly.

What are you traveling to do , are you both traveling to do all the things your best accompany do, are you traveling to affair together, beam and cry together, aces op the buzz at 3am because you charge to chat? No you aren't and the getting who just appropriate the abstraction already knows it.

Its one of the barbarous truths of dating but at atomic 60% of all humans who leave their lover acquire said it and the blow of us acquire had to acquisition some affectionate of reply. Inevitably it is "yes". We say yes because we ambition to accumulate alive the getting who is leaving, we don't ambition the happier times to end and we absolutely do not ambition to stop seeing the getting who has just told u we are finished. But the acumen I address about this accountable actuality is because the getting adage it in 99% of cases does not beggarly it, never did beggarly it and has no ambition of anniversary the concept. You don't ambition to acquire it conceivably or you are comatose in acceding that I am right, but I angle by it. Anyone who offers accord as a characterless present whilst abandoning adulation deserves no respect.

I am abashed that our accompany are the humans we acquire accepted from academy and college, those we acquire formed with, those we acquire met forth the way and backward in blow with. The getting breaking your affection isn't your friend, that is the getting who is active cogent you all the affidavit why it won't plan amid you, the affidavit why its over and the affidavit why they are leaving. The body of the account is affiliated to the getting who is adage it , rather than the getting it is getting said to. The getting who says it is the getting leaving. They are aswell the getting who feels guilt. And it is this answerability that is amenable for the absolute debris chat we accept to endure. At atomic for a abbreviate time.

Now I apperceive all this sounds acrid and you apperceive that the getting you are agreeable up with could absolutely be your best acquaintance and it does appear accept me. But and its a big but, its so attenuate its about impossible. The actuality is you now acquire an about enough legacy, your ex-relationship and this will act as a wedge. The baptize from your acrid tears will anoint this block and drive it amid you as you blooper added and added away. I ambition I could say that if an ex asks if you can both be accompany that it would work. But it won't.

The way we all accord with the traumas in our lives is through time and time alone. Though the abundance of accurate accompany and admired ones helps too. But we accept to all achieve the accomplished afore we can move advanced and to do this, the best affair we can all do if anyone we adulation leaves us is simple. We put them abaft us - and that takes time too. The affair that consistently strikes me about anyone who asks if "we can be friends?" is the arduous adventurousness of the statement. It is an alarming adeptness to acquaint a lie at the moment if bluntness is a lot of alleged for, it is an attack to animate if accomplishing harm, it is the area of the getting who wishes to deceive. Wow, I am aural black here.

I came aback and added this area afterwards I re-read this article. It is account pointing out that one of the affidavit why we accept to say no to the appeal for accord is because it is getting asked for all the amiss reasons. Often the getting abrogation is afraid and borderline of what they are doing. They don't absolutely ambition to bake their bridges, able-bodied they are not abiding they ambition to. They accordingly try and accumulate a buoy by allurement if accord is a achievability - in accomplishing so they are application a actual baby aisle back. Of advance the point is that actual few humans who leave us can in fact sustain a accord afterwards even if we can. Friendships yield acquaintance and acquaintance is the a lot of aching aspect of abrogation someone. Accordingly the absoluteness is that abroad accord may be a achievability but abreast approaching accord is not traveling to happen.

"Let Them Eat Cupcake," Santa Monica Mirror

2008-04-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

So, how does the owner of a bakeshop in Santa Monica get to be a guest on Martha Stewart’s weekly television event? “I was working at the shop one day, and my assistant manager came back to the office to let me know that the “Martha Stewart show was on line 1. We jumped up and down for about 20 seconds, until I answered the phone. They did research on hundreds of cupcake shops in the United States, and ours caught their eye. So, I dropped everything and flew out to New York with a bunch of cupcakes on my lap for Martha to try. Her staff asked me to be on the show to bake with her. It was thrilling, and a dream come true.”

The cupcake that Berman took to the television studio was a Meyer Lemon Raspberry Cupcake, and, although Amy was free to choose whatever she wanted to present, this item was selected because it is no secret that Stewart has a certain penchant for citrus flavors. Berman was confident of a favorable reaction. “It’s our most popular cupcake for weddings, and one of fastest selling at the shop. Its absolutely addictive!” she added.

Given that Vanilla Bake Shop offers a great variety of different baked goods, is there a customer favorite? “Our most popular would be our bite-size cupcakes we call “Cupcake Babies.” Berman told me that people like the idea that these “Babies” are smaller (of course) and are great for parties and special events. She also said that her signature Dessert Shots (chilled layer desserts such as Southern Banana Pudding, Dirt Cake, or Triple Berry Shortcake served in a disposable shot glass) do very well.

Do You Want To Be A "A-List" Party Girl?

2008-04-06T00:30:00.000-07:00

Do You Want To Be A "A-List" Party Girl?

If you always dreamed of living the life of a "A-List" Party Girl, well now your dreams may just come true.

If you have champagne tastes and just love shaking your booty all night long, well this might be your dream job come true.

Hate getting up in the morning, hate not having sexy and fab outfits to wear to the clubs, well now is the time to have celebrity designers begging you to wear their clothes.

Deplore standing in a cold line at the ultra trendy night spots in your ultra sexy, micro mini skirt and deep plunging cleavage top, while the "A-List" party girls are whisked into the clubs, and the VIP lounges.

Love to go wild, dance up a storm on the tabletop or bar top, or just taking a swing around the pole?

It seems that the number of "A-List" Party Girls, either through rehab or through motherhood, are declining at an alarming rate.

With the supply of hot, sexy party girls declining at such an alarming rate, something just has to be done.

And, who better to address this pressing issue than that number one party girl herself - Paris Hilton.

Her best friend Nicole Richie has abandon the night life to embellish that warm glow of motherhood.

Her other friends are either in or going into rehab, oh my.

Growth. Change. Constant. Loss. Gain. Pain? Joy!

2008-04-06T00:25:00.001-07:00

No single thing abides,
But all things flow
Fragment to fragment clings
And things thus grow.

- Lucretius, On the Nature of Things

(hat tip to a very wise woman - who sent me this when i was in school)

As i struggle with limits, and boundaries and try to make the most of my many deficiencies - I'm also struggling to find out whether I am taking the easy way or the hard way? I've always been a fan of taking the tougher option, not that I am a masochist or anything, but sometimes the bigger rewards lie behind the tougher option. So then, is quitting the tougher option - even if it never was an option? Or is not?

Of course, the answer could be simple - follow your heart. And let what will be, be.

I just started soccer training this last week. And all though the first couple of sessions were pure misery ( it's been close to a year since I did some proper training - thanks to an ACL injury) but things are getting better.

And I have two options for teams - one is a very good team, with a lot of good players where I doubt if I would make it to the playing 11 (given my current form and fitness) - the other option is an average team with players who are not as good as the first option - which probably means more playing time, and also more work for me.

So both options would call for some hard work. Option a - just to keep up and break into the team, Option b - to win games, and make the most out of the team.

It's almost exactly like the difference between a joining a big established multinational firm and joining a boutique type start-up. Both provide different learning experiences.

As of now, I am training with big team on weekdays, and playing with the small team on weekends. But it's only been a week. That's 3 games, 2 goals, some embarrassing slip ups, a couple of good moments, lots of agony :-) and stiffness - and no smoking - except for the urge to gorge on junk food post the game. And the fact that I feel so good post training - I get home at 10:30 PM and cant sleep till well past midnight.

Can't We All Be Friends?

2008-03-19T10:54:00.000-07:00

All the big shot democrats around these parts are professing that even though the battle between the Hill and the Big O is contentious now, when all is said and done, democrats will unite behind whomever is the winner.
It makes for nice chitchat but the polling data suggests that may be easier said than done. In reality the findings send an ominous message about party unity which could hand this election over to John McCain.
Get a load of this Rasmussen poll done for FOX 2: Likely Michigan democratic voters for Barack Obama were asked what they would do if Hillary Clinton got the nomination.
A piddily 50% said they would vote for her while 35% said they would not.
It's not much better on the other side of the equation: Only 52% of the Clinton folks would plunk for Obama while 25% said they could not stomach him for president.
Unity. Smudity.
Apparently there is not only bad blood between the candidates but with their constituencies as well.
Obama forces in Michigan are afraid of getting screwed by Clinton super delegates at the convention assuming the Michigan delegation gets in.
And if Obama adds to his nationwide delegate lead, the Clinton forces are afraid her Michigan delegates won't be seated if this battle goes to the convention floor where Obama has enough votes to lock her out.
Peace is not at hand….but then in the Democratic Party when is that ever the case?

Tits for Our Troops

2008-03-05T07:09:00.000-08:00

We have been running a weekly feature on our blog called Tits for Troops. Each week we post six to eight pictures of contributor breasts and well wishes to our troops (click here for an example). Everything seemed to be going well until recently the number of comments dropped off. We chalked it up to lurking more than anything else. Then, we got this e-mail.

Question, I am Marine in Iraq and while looking for I guess porn for troops, I saw that you had tits for troops. I was able to google your site to get an e-mail address. The site is blocked from the internet, even our personal internet we pay for in our rooms are blocked. Is there a way to sign up for anything or is everything on your website? If you have time and you reply could you also send a reply to my regular email address which is Mxxxxxxx@hotmail.com I sent the email from my work one to prove to you that I am in Iraq. I appreciate your time.

Since our blog is blocked for most of the guys and gals this feature is designed for, how should we go about fixing it? We were thinking of a news letter type of thing, but we don’t know what kind of effort that. We are open to suggestions and recommendations from anyone on how to do a news letter or way to fix the blocking problem.

Tantra Can Boost Your Sexual Performance

2008-03-05T07:05:00.000-08:00

"Improving Sexual Performance with Tantra Yoga", Rapunzel, February 10, 2008
"There are a few exercises, which along with some small dietary modifications, that can have a profound effect on your sexual performance:

Physical Exercises:
These exercises include breathing, contractions and holding certain positions. The key to really letting go is developing a state of discipline and concentration, so that you can stay in the meditative state throughout the sexual experience.

1)The Moola Bandha (Benefits include improved prostate functioning, and enhanced sexual performance)
2) The Plank (Benefits include improved sexual stamina during intercourse)
3) The Cobra (Benefits include improved sexual stamina during intercourse)

Psycho-Spiritual Exercises:
Sexual union can be achieved even without orgasm. Many men think that the objective of sex is an orgasm, but healing and spiritual union are the real goals to be achieved. I have developed a meditation on unconditional love, which can make the sexual experience less tense and decrease the pressure to perform.

Healing Massage:
Gentle stroking is an excellent way to focus on giving. Allow your partner the pleasure of receiving and yourself the pleasure of giving. I have found it much more rewarding to be the giver, as the energy comes back to you. You may want to switch off so that you each experience both giving and receiving.

Reiki/Energy Channeling:
Reiki or energy healing practiced before intercourse can also heighten the sexual experience. Reiki is an Eastern healing art whereby one-partner channels spirit to the other. In this way the receiver can enter a deep state of relaxation similar to that experienced after meditation."

Why do men avoid relationship talk?

2008-02-22T18:00:00.000-08:00

(This is a guest post from Michael Motta that was first posted on Michigan Liberal. I agree with his basic premise of the unhealthy relationship between the Cleary University and the Livingston County GOP - and even the Gannett corporate media, but I strongly believe Clearly is a good institution that fills a needed niche in the community. But for one more example of that unhealthy relationship Mr. Motta may not be aware of, the Livingston County Daily Press & Argus endorsed Rep. Chris Ward, R-Brighton and a Cleary graduate, during the November election without even an endorsement interview, the only candidate not to have one.
If you look at the list of earmarks Mike Rogers was asking for Cleary to receive they don’t even make sense. For example, he asked for $325,000 “for the training of technology workers, to be done at Cleary University to provide job training opportunities for Livingston county workers.” That ignores an underutilized state partnership with the Michigan Economic Development Corporation that does the same thing called the Livingston Regional M-TEC. The M-TEC, one of 18 in Michigan, “is a not-for-profit Technical Training Center operated by Mott Community College – a public institution - and advised by a board of local businesses and community representatives.”)

Free Dating coming your way.

2008-02-22T17:57:00.000-08:00

How would you like to be one of the first to enrol on a free dating site which is currently in the Beta phase which gives you much much more than any free dating site out there on the Net?
Thanks to innovative ideas and the advance of technology you will enter a new realm of online dating that will be enhancing your quest for the perfect match.
Without costing you a penny, the services which will be provided for your benefit, will equal those of all the top notch paid sites but you will get them all for FREE! There will also be a host of add on features like invites to groups and creating interest groups which will really help to build up a great online community in a warm and friendly atmosphere.
This is going to work greatly to your advantage as you can get quality service at zero cost except your time perusing through the site. Dating on the Net will never be the same again as http://wecanbefriends.blogspot.com/ enters the Marketplace in full swing so why not sign up now and grab all these advantages while the iron is hot.

Understanding Human Relationships

2008-01-15T17:47:00.000-08:00

One of the most important relationship lessons I learned was this: The relationships we have with other people are projections of the relationships we have within ourselves. Our external relationships and our internal relationships are in fact the same relationships. They only seem different because we look at them through different lenses.

Let’s consider why this is true. Where do all your relationships exist? They exist in your thoughts. Your relationship with another person is whatever you imagine it to be. Whether you love someone or hate someone, you’re right. Now the other person may have a completely different relationship to you, but understand that your representation of what someone else thinks of you is also part of your thoughts. So your relationship with someone includes what you think of that person and what you believe s/he thinks of you. You can complicate it further by imagining what the other person thinks you think of him/her, but ultimately those internal representations are all you have.

Even if your relationships exist in some objective reality independent of your thoughts, you never have access to the objective viewpoint. You’re always viewing your relationships through the lens of your own consciousness. The closest you can get to being objective is to imagine being objective, but that is in no way the same thing as true objectivity. That’s because the act of observation requires a conscious observer, which is subjective by its very nature.

At first it might seem troublesome that you can never hope to gain a truly accurate, 100% objective understanding of your relationships. You can never escape the subjective lens of your own consciousness. That would be like trying to find the color blue with a red lens permanently taped over your eyes. That doesn’t stop people from trying, but such attempts are in vain. If you fall into the trap of trying to think of your relationships as objective entities that are external to you, you’ll be using an inescapably inaccurate model of reality. Consequently, the likely outcome is that you’ll frustrate yourself to no end when it comes to human relationships. You’ll make relating to other people a lot harder than it needs to be. Intuitively you may know something is off in your approach to relationships, but you’ll remain stuck until you realize that every relationship you have with another person is really a relationship that exists entirely within yourself.

Fortunately, once you embrace the subjective nature of relationships, you’ll have a much easier time relating to people. It’s easier to get where you want to go when you have an accurate map. The subjective view of relationships implies that you can change or improve your relationships with others by working on the internal relationships within yourself. Furthermore, you can improve your internal relationships, such as your self-esteem, by working on your relationships with others. Ultimately it’s all the same thing.

Here’s a basic example of how this works.

When I first met Erin, I quickly noticed she had an aversion towards orderliness. Having a messy room was a habit since childhood, and being organized was a concept forever alien to her. In Erin’s filing cabinet, I once found a file labeled “Stuff I Don’t Need.” Chew on that for a while.

On the other hand, I grew up in a house that was always — and I do mean always — neat and tidy. Even as a child, I took pride in keeping my room clean and well organized. So it probably comes as no surprise that I often push Erin to be neater and more organized.

If we try to look at this situation “objectively,” you might suggest solutions like me working on becoming more tolerant of disorder, Erin working on being neater, or a mixture of both. Or you might conclude we’re incompatible in this area and that we should try to find ways to reduce the level of conflict. Basically the solution will be some kind of compromise that seeks to mitigate the symptoms, but the core issue remains unresolved.

Let’s see what the subjective lens has to say now. This model says that my relationship with Erin is purely within my own consciousness. So my conflict with Erin is just the projection of an internal conflict. Supposedly my desire for Erin to be neater and more organized means that I really want to improve in this area myself. Is that true? Yes, I have to admit that it is. When I criticize Erin for not being neat enough, I’m voicing my own desire to become even more organized.

This is an entirely different definition of the problem, one that suggests a new solution. In this case the solution is for me to work on improving my own standards for neatness and order. That’s a very different solution than what we get with the objective model. To implement this solution, Erin needn’t even be involved.

From the standpoint of the objective model, this subjective solution seems rather foolish. If anything it will only backfire. Wouldn’t my working on becoming neater just increase the conflict between me and Erin?

Now here’s the really fascinating part. When I actually tried the subjective solution by going to work on myself, Erin suddenly began taking a keen interest in becoming more organized herself. She bought new home office furniture and assigned new homes to objects that were previously cluttering her workspace. She hired a cleaning service to clean the house and did more decluttering before they came over. She bought new bedroom furniture for our children. She did a lot of purging and donated many old items to charity. She began looking for a housekeeper and wrote up a list of cleaning tasks to be outsourced. And I really wasn’t pushing her to do this. If anything she started pushing me a bit.

Somehow when I worked on myself (recognizing that this is an internal issue, not an external one), Erin came along for the ride. I’ve tested this pattern in other ways, and it continues to play out. My ”external” relationships keep changing to keep pace with my internal relationships. I’ve seen this effect with other people too, but it’s been most obvious with Erin and my kids, since they’re the people I spend the most time with. It’s rather spooky at times how strong and immediate the effect is. However, the subjective model suggests that this is exactly how reality works, so I’m glad to have a paradigm that fits the results.

I encourage you to experiment to see how your external relationships reflect your internal ones. Try this simple exercise: Make a list of all the things that bother you about other people. Now re-read that list as if it applies to you. If you’re honest you’ll have to admit that all of your complaints about others are really complaints about yourself. For example, if you dislike George Bush because you think he’s a poor leader, could this be because your own leadership skills are sub par? Then go to work on your own leadership skills, or work on becoming more accepting of your current skill level, and notice how George Bush suddenly seems to be making dramatic improvements in this area.

It can be hard to admit that your complaints about others are really complaints about yourself, but the upside is that your relationship issues reveal where you still need to grow. Consequently, a fantastic way to accelerate your personal growth is to build relationships with others. The more you interact with others, the more you learn about yourself.

I believe the true value of human relationships is that they serve as pointers to unconditional love. According to the subjective model, when you forgive, accept, and love all parts of yourself, you will forgive, accept, and love all other human beings as they are. The more you improve your internal relationships between your thoughts, beliefs, and intentions, the more loving and harmonious your human relationships will become. Hold unconditional love in your consciousness, and you’ll see it reflected in your reality.

Ask Steve - Sex

2008-01-15T17:41:00.000-08:00

This is a specific example of a particular area of my life that I’m currently struggling with, as a continuation of this post from the “Ask Steve” series.

The third area that’s been a challenge for me is sex… specifically the role of sexuality in my life. Again, this comes down to a question of definition. I’m not really sure what I want.

Without getting graphic I’ll just say that Erin and I enjoy a very healthy sex life. I think we have some advantages because we both work from home, so we can basically drop for it whenever we want. While there’s an obvious physical component to sex, I really enjoy the emotional bonding aspect of it. I notice that I tend to feel much closer to her in the hours after we make love.

That wasn’t always the case though. At the age of 17, Erin fell into an unhealthy 3-1/2 year relationship where she was sexually and emotionally abused. With the support of her sorority sisters, she eventually found the courage to leave the abuser. She had sporadic short-term relationships after that, but nothing too deep. She and I met when she was 24, and the early years of our relationship involved a lot of healing of those old wounds. Those were frustrating times for both of us, but we did eventually work through it all. In fact, a key benefit was that I learned to tune into my intuition, since logic was getting us nowhere.

Sex can be a wonderful vehicle for personal growth, especially in a long-term relationship. Sure it feels good too, but the long-term benefit is that sex can reveal emotional blocks you still need to work through. Your deepest emotional issues will surface during sex, including low self-esteem, fear of inadequacy, or a poor relationship with your body. How you view sex is indicative of your larger life as well. Empty and meaningless sex life? You probably don’t see much meaning in your life yet. Confusing or frustrating sex life? Confusing or frustrating life. Rewarding and fulfilling sex life? Your life is probably the same. Your recent sexual experiences, when examined consciously, can point you in the direction of breakthrough emotional growth.

So my question is, once you’ve worked through these emotional isues and are enjoying a rich and rewarding monogamous sex life, how do you continue to grow sexually? Once sex has helped you heal your emotional wounds, what role should it continue to play in your life?

Here are some of the possibilities I’ve been considering:

Go deeper. Stay monogamous and study something like tantra. Treat sex as an ongoing outlet for pleasure. I read a book on tantra earlier this year, but I haven’t really pursued it. Much of it seems to deal with deepening the physical pleasure, but that’s less important to me than deepening the emotional connection. Partly this is because my whole life has become so pleasurable that the pleasure of sex isn’t comparatively as big a contrast with my baseline emotional state. As one Tibetan monk said, “When you’re coming all the time, it [sex] doesn’t make any difference.” I’m not at that point yet, but I’m close enough to be able to relate to this statement.
Go wider. Does sexual monogamy limit the opportunities for personal growth? While I’ve no interest in being promiscuous, I do wonder what it would be like to share physical intimacy with others, especially those who see it as an emotional/spiritual connection rather than just a physical outlet. Erin feels much the same. We aren’t sexually possessive of each other, so we’re both open to this under the right conditions. Plus I imagine we’d be able to learn a lot from other people through direct experience. I’d love to hear from people who’ve gone down this path. Did it turn out to be a huge mistake? Or did it create a positive expansion of your existing relationship?
Rechannel it. I noticed that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve been able to more consciously channel my sexual energy into creative pursuits instead of being preoccupied with sex like I was during my 20s. I found it interesting that Napoleon Hill devotes a full chapter to this in Think and Grow Rich. He found that the wealthy people he studied were very highly sexed and had learned to rechannel their sex energy into their work.
Teach it. I could write about sex and how to enjoy a healthy sex life as well as how to enjoy a fulfilling relationship. This in turn might invite useful feedback, such as I’m likely to get from this post.
All of the above. Some creative combo of all of these.
Maintain status quo. Not really a serious option for me, but I figured I’d mention it.
Celibacy. You’re joking, right? While I’m sure this is a positive choice for some people, it doesn’t feel right for me personally.

Where do I go from here? What’s the best paradigm for defining the role of sex?

Self Magazine Sex Article

2008-01-15T17:34:00.000-08:00

Self Magazine (May 2006 issue) has a little interview with me as part of an article titled, “Say Yes! to Sex.” The teaser line for the article is: ”Remember that can’t-wait-to-do-it feeling? Here’s how to recapture it, even after a stressful day.”

[ Insert voice of Scott Bakula saying, “Oh, boy…” ]

I did this interview almost a year ago when the writer called to ask if I could offer advice on how women can turn sex into a more frequent habit. At first I did a double-take, wondering if it was a serious request. However, the writer explained that the article was intended to gather sex advice from unusual sources. I’d never given much thought to applying habit formation techniques to sex before, but I thought… why not? Habits play a significant role in physical intimacy.

In the article I suggest turning physical intimacy into a habit by using the 30-day trial approach. Every day for the next 30 days, devote 30-60 minutes to talking, snuggling, cuddling, massage, and of course, sex with your partner. As the article accurately quotes me, “That time becomes sacred couple-intimacy time with no interruptions. The commitment to spend time alone together every day for 30 days will create the space for your sex life to blossom.”

If the trial doesn’t produce the results you want, you can begin a new 30-day trial of something different or return to the old habit. But by then the new habit will already be established, so if you wish to continue, it won’t be so difficult because momentum will be on your side.

I hadn’t envisioned this particular application when I first wrote about the 30-day trial method, but it’s nice to see that personal development techniques can even enhance our sex lives.

Five million women have just been told that I’m a sex expert.

There’s no way I can top that one. My life is all downhill from here.

But maybe this will be just enough to counter-balance my wife’s opinion.

What is Dating?

2008-01-09T07:26:00.000-08:00

It is a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character. The dictionary describes it so differently than what others might think of it as a chance to get to know a person better. Do different cultures have different perspectives on dating? Yes, it does since it includes teens that are young and immature. Parents tend to worry about them when they go out. But why would parents need to worry when they know where their child has gone? They worry because it always makes it hard for them to not worry. It is in our parent’s nature to worry when we go out. Should parents allow their teen to date? No, if the parent(s) think that the child needs to be more responsible and mature then it's OK for them to say no to he/she.

Every culture has different ways of dating. Even though if a teen is mature enough to date say like 18 years or older, some parents might think that dating is not proper even though they are old enough to date. In my opinion I feel that Dating is OK as long as you don't go out without telling anyone, where you are going for your date or you have responsibilities.

Teens who are immature shouldn't be allowed to date unless they can show that they are responsible for their actions. Immature teens always try to prove that they are mature and they are responsible, but the only thing they forget at that time is that one mistake can ruin their life. Some teens are mature for their age. They understand the consequences of dating. In a dating situation people are more excited and happy about what they are doing, but who knows what is really happening. Dating is both bad and good. It is Bad because you don't know what you are doing bad and end up doing something silly. Or sometimes you might not even know much about your date. In other ways it is Good because in that way you get to know who you want in your future and what kind of a guy/girl you want.

I think it is better to wait until you are old enough to think wisely. Why would you want to wait that long? Because if you wait you will be prepared on what's coming, you can think clearly while making decisions, and be responsible. It is not always the case that you should be 18 or older to date.

Being responsible and mature to date is not the only thing. You have to have respect for yourself and others around you. That is the most important thing that you would have to be careful about.

Especially after observing some teens for a long time I have come to a conclusion that teens with caring and loving family have had no problem in their dating life or neither has the parents been too worried. And the teen with working parents is more likely to start dating at a young age without adults' permission.

Unlucky In Love?

2008-01-09T07:20:00.000-08:00

We recently asked our Mars Venus telephone coaches to name the top relationship struggle they hear from female callers. The number one response was dating relationships that have failed because the man pulled away, stopped calling, or just turned out to be Mr. Wrong. Women report that these unsuccessful relationships leave them feeling powerless, mistreated, and sometimes wondering if they are even worthy of love.

Well, ladies, MarsVenus.com has some great suggestions to motivate you to toss out your tissues and climb aboard the happiness train! First and foremost, we can assure you that, as bleak as things may seem right now, things will get better. Man or no man, you are in control of your destiny in a relationship. Let’s explore how you can take responsibility for creating a healthy relationship.

To build a great relationship, we have to start by loving ourselves. It is impossible to love someone else, or to be loved by someone else, if we don’t feel worthy of love. In relationships, people tend to attract their mirror images. If you want to attract a self-assured and fulfilled partner, you must also have a healthy self-esteem and a life that works, regardless of where the relationship is headed. A relationship and a partner cannot be expected to fulfill all of our needs. It is important to have a strong sense of who we are in order to bond with a partner without losing a healthy sense of our own worth.

Some women sleep around in order to build up their self-esteem, which is an approach that usually backfires. If this is your choice, it’s okay to depend on a man for romantic stimulation, but it’s not healthy to depend on him to feel worthy of the attention. A woman must first feel valuable within herself, and then get a man’s affection. If she needs his affection to feel special or important, she will be too dependent upon him. Ultimately, this unhealthy neediness may well turn him off, and she will get hurt. In the ideal world, a man should be the icing on the cake for a woman, not the cake itself!

Ladies, remember that it is okay to say no to sex if you are not ready. You should expect men to ask for sex; it’s what most men do. You should keep in mind that a man doesn’t really expect her to say yes. Many men anticipate the worst and hope for the best. Women who feel unsure of themselves, who are perhaps a little needy, may give in too easily. Women are often afraid of losing a man if she does not say yes. Ironically, he will leave anyway if she gives in too soon! Men need to chase for a while. When a man cares about a woman, though he may want to have sex, he also just wants to spend time with her.

Men really like being “used” by women, meaning that men need to feel helpful. They want to do things for women. They want to buy dinner and give little gifts and generally do nice things to make a woman feel good. They want to be the one doing the pursuing in a relationship. And, women, you don’t owe them anything. You do not have to “do something” to earn their love and attention. All you have to do is be interested in and receptive to what a man has to offer.

Now that we’ve covered the basics, consider the following five powerful, esteem-building rules for women to put into practice:

1. Date around.
If you tend to start thinking about china patterns after just one date, he’ll have good reason to walk the other way. Meet a variety of men; after all, you deserve the best one for you!

2. Don’t be too available/don’t sit around and wait for his call.
Remember, men love the thrill of the chase. A confident woman is irresistible to a man. Make room in your schedule to take a class, join a club, or volunteer for a favorite cause.

3. Don’t drop everything for him when he does call.
Men are interested in women who have truly satisfying lives. The woman who leads a fulfilling life, with the positive influence of friends and interests, sends a message to men that she is responsible for her own happiness.

4. Have sex when you are ready.
Remember, having sex early can increase your emotional bond, so if you’re still exploring the possibilities of a relationship, make sure you’re ready. It’s absolutely okay to wait until you are!

5. Do not pursue a man more then he is pursuing you.
This is so important for women to put into practice. His job is to seduce you; it’s your job to attract his interest. A man will be less likely to commit if he does not get to pursue.

If you’re following these golden rules and still having dating difficulties, perhaps it is time to call a coach to figure out once and for all why it’s not working! Dating does not have to be as difficult as it is for many people. Often, just one phone call can uncover what is causing you to fail, and set you on the path to a healthier relationship! And of course, the best way to find out how and why coaching works is simply to give it a try.

Personal Empowerment in Relationships

2008-01-09T07:10:00.000-08:00

Personal empowerment often plays a big role in the quality of your relationships because of the beliefs and behaviors you express in your interactions with others.

If you've ever expected a relationship to somehow "complete" you or make you feel strong or whole, you probably experienced disappointment and frustration as it seemed to cause bigger problems in your life.

There are several reasons why personal empowerment is important in relationships:

1) Other people sense the way you feel about yourself and treat you accordingly.

Have you ever noticed that other people seem to pick up on subtle cues and reflect your own beliefs back to you? For example, if you lack confidence, you'll often find yourself encountering aggressive or intimidating people who seem to exacerbate those feelings. If you don't have a healthy level of respect for yourself, you'll probably encounter plenty of people who don't respect you either.

This is no accident! People tend to sense your inner beliefs based on your demeanor and body language, and gear their behavior to match.

When you're empowered and strong, you communicate that essence to others, and others will treat you as such, resulting in healthier relationships.

2) You'll notice in others the things you dislike about yourself.

Have you ever heard of "projecting"your own perceptions and beliefs onto others? A lack of self-love within yourself will often cause you to believe that others don't love you either. A lack of confidence in yourself will attract people that you struggle to place your confidence in also!

When you are empowered and confident, you'll end up attracting others who both see you that way and embody the same qualities themselves.

3) You'll constantly look to others for reassurance and validation.

When you don't feel empowered or confident, you'll constantly seek reassurance and validation from the people around you. Rather than feeling self-assured, you’ll appear to be needy and insecure, which will place a drain on your relationship and push others away from you.

Remember that empowerment is an inside job! You need to give yourself love, respect and confidence first if you want to also receive it from others.

Fulfilling and satisfying relationships require that both partners are empowered and balanced before entering into them. When you empower yourself from within, you bring a stronger element of genuine love, respect and intimacy to your relationships and stop seeking validation from outside sources. Ultimately, this ensures that your connections with others will be deeper, richer and more meaningful.

Loves Lost - Past Mistakes

2008-01-01T17:53:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been so in love with someone that you could feel it every time you talked to that person? Did you tell them how you felt and what was in your heart? Did it make any difference to them?

Have you ever hurt so bad from it that you just felt sick with heartache? The bad news is there really is no way to change this. This sort of love usually occurred in high school. That feeling of finding the right one and somehow knowing that you could spend the rest of your life with that person. But you also knew deep down somewhere that it would never happen, but at the same time, deeper in your soul you could see that future.

So here is the scenario. There is a guy who likes this girl, but she never really notices him. One day the girl sees the guy driving his new hot car and stops him in the hallway at school to ask if it is his car. At that point in time the guy is thinking of how nice it would be if that was his girlfriend. The two become really good friends and soon the guy asks the girl to be his girlfriend... she says no, but in so many words. The guy eventually find out she is interested in his best friend. Talk about a kick in the gut. As time goes on the the girl and the guy are still really good friends, but she still doesn't feel the same for the guy as he does for her. In the process of this relationship, Being friends as it is, the guy continually expresses his love. It makes the girl sad in some ways because she knows that he is being sincere, but there is no change in how she really feels.

In one way or another this has happened to all of us. But why? what was it? Were we too ugly, too skinny, too fat, Hair to long, too short? WHAT!? Maybe it was nothing physical at all. So we ask ourselves this question? Did we do this to someone else and they are thinking what we are thinking of right now? Did we unknowingly hurt them by not having the same feelings for them as they did for us? And so on.

As the years press on you never really know what will happen. Sometimes the feelings fade away and you fall in love with someone else and that other person is forgotten. But what happens when those feelings come back, and they can. You begin to start brainstorming of all the things you said and did that could have been changed to make that person love you. But again, deep down, you always know it will never happen and never could.

Perhaps you tell yourself that if you could go back in time and change something what would it be? Would it make any difference? Could you do or say something different to make it happen the way you want? Probably not, No matter how much we would want to change the past to suit how we feel today, it would not matter. We may actually change something that could cause our lives to become worse in the future. It probably wouldn't matter how careful you could be. It may actually turn out better for you or extremely worse, making you feel much more heartache than before.

What it eventually comes down to is you were not meant to be with that person, no matter how much you may want it to be. Life is funny that way, you are never sure of what will happen next but you have a pretty good idea it won't go the way you want? We have all these ideas and fantasies in our heads of how we want our lives to be with someone that we may never have. You try to see your life through their eyes and thoughts hoping that it will make a difference. You think how they may be thinking of you, Hoping that they assume they made the mistake of not accepting who you once were, but who you are now. Trying to imagine what that person thinks of you now is futile. they may be very impressed with your life and the things you have done and accomplished and maybe, just maybe, be a little envious of you. But will it make them love you the way you wanted to in the past? Doubtful. Probable? Maybe, depending on weather or not they are married and have kids and a good wholesome marriage. Or are they totally lost and here is you chance to help them find the way. That's usually the scene we all play over and over in our head knowing that that's not the case.

Hope. how do define a word that already has the answer we don't want to hear? You can keep asking yourself "what happened?" What did you do wrong? Nothing, you did nothing wrong but yet nothing happened either. Was it love or just deep infatuation for something you knew would never come your way. If years have past and not one thought of that person crossed your mind and then suddenly they "pop" into your head and those same thoughts are running through your mind, you may very well have been in love or there may be an issue of closure that you never got the chance to take. Either way it's done and there is no going back and no changing the past. It is a very sad thought but it is real and it hurts but you have to take the other person into consideration. Are they happy? If they are that may be just one step into helping yourself let them go.

One of the best remedies for this talking about it to someone you can trust, because someday those feelings will go away. Holding on to past dreams and hopes are the some of the best ways to either improve or ruin your life. I suppose it depends on the road you take now.

Should the first time machine come on line anytime down the road, I am pretty sure 99% of us will be standing in line to take that chance and see if the unchangeable can be changed. All I can say is good luck to all of you.

Membership Mission

2008-01-01T17:45:00.000-08:00

Goal

Plan and implement activities for the membership.

1. Conduct membership meetings.

2. Arrange and implement the member-family picnic.

3. Organize your own membership newsletter

4. Coordinate your own website

5. Schedule area membership meetings:

a. Spring Get-together
b. Fall Round-Up

6. Implement a district/regional training seminar.

7. Develop and implement effective membership recruitment and retention programs.

COMMITTEES

2008-01-01T17:42:00.000-08:00

Section 7.01 Executive Committee. The Executive Committee shall consist of the five (5) officers and the Secretary-Treasurer of the Board. The Executive Committee shall monitor compensation, benefits and personnel policies for the staff; identify strategic issues to bring to the Board; advise staff on day-to-day issues; establish the agenda for Board meetings; map out how the Board’s business should be conducted; and organize the activity of other committees. The Executive Committee is authorized to invest, expend, borrow, and enter contractual arrangements in accordance within the approved budget. The Executive Director will consult with the Executive Committee regarding problems needing rapid resolution.

Section 7.02 Sourcing and Nomination Committee. The Sourcing and Nomination Committee shall consist of: the Past-President who serves as Chair; two (2) NACE members who are serving or have previously served on the NACE Board of Directors; and up to three (3) NACE members at large. Appointees of this committee shall reflect the diversity of the membership and the association's commitment to diversity as a core value. Appointments will be for one year. The Sourcing and Nomination Committee shall implement the sourcing, nominations and elections procedures as outlined in the NACE Policy and Procedures Manual.

Section 7.03 Finance and Audit Committee. The Finance and Audit Committee shall consist of at least five (5) voting members of the Board, including the Past-President who shall serve as Chair, the President-Elect and the Secretary-Treasurer, who shall serve as a non-voting member of the committee. The Finance and Audit Committee shall oversee the NACE financial policies, the annual operating and capital budgets, the review of financial reports, the annual audit and NACE investment strategies as outlined in the NACE Policy and Procedures Manual.

Section 7.04 Other Committees. The Board may create other committees to which it may delegate various functions. The Board shall issue to the committee a specific charge with a definition of the committee’s authority. The Board will ensure the appointment of committees for the governance of NACE including, but not limited to, the Executive Committee.

Love Poems

2007-12-24T05:25:00.000-08:00

Love is one of the most common themes in the history of poetry (and mankind), and for good reason: it is one of the greatest and most basic human conditions. Just about everyone has been loved, loved someone, and has been in love. Naturally, poets have written a great deal on the subject.

If you’re feeling down-and-out about love, we’ve got you covered with a selection of poems about heartbreak, heart ache, and general misery due to love.

So whether you’re looking for a poem with which to woo someone, need a poem to send to your valentine, or are feeling blue and need some cheer (misery loves company, after all), then dive in with these suggested love poems.

LOVE PURPOSE

2007-12-24T05:18:00.000-08:00

1. CONDITIONAL LOVE

Conditional love is like a kind of bargain with the Universe to give you self-love if you "take care of" people. Tends to make others responsible for your needs and happiness. Includes the "Care-taker ", "Good Prostitute", "Reluctant Martyr", "Rescuer ", stances in life. Wants, and to a degree does get, rewards and approval from others. There are secondary gains in this position, though the price paid is being less than one's True Self.

Possessive, holds on when the other grows or heals...and then needs another needy partner. Expectations++. "I will love you (=take care of you) if you are good, clever, white, black, richer, poorer, sicker or more well than me, male, female...etc..." "I love you and if you love me you must promise me...." etc. Can easily feel victimized/angry again when the conditions are not met. Can make the one loved in this way feel very resentful ("hostile dependency"). Dependent on the approval of others.

"Social Activist Level I" ..."Crusader" ("I will fight for peace, - even if I have to kill or assassinate to get it"). Still angry with personalities and more focused on those than upon issues, therefore oversimplifies. "I will love you if you adopt my point of view, the "right" political persuasion....or do what my parents did - or did not do" Easily falls prey to anger or fear, or feels victimized if frustrated. Can explode with frustration and become "Perpetrator" or "Terrorist"; or feel powerless - "Doormat" or "Victim".

This level corresponds in psychosynthesis to the level of the subpersonalities. There is a tendency to "love" only the perceived "victim" in any situation, to identify with the victim, and to hate the perceived "oppressor". Unable to see that the oppressor is also suffering, but in a different way and expressing their suffering differently. Both the victim and the oppressor are giving out a cry for love and for their unmet needs to be met. There is a tendency for one operating at this level to hold others responsible for their happiness (and therefore unhappiness!), and at the same time push love or help away when it has been offered. This often leads to burn-out, or a win-lose situation, in which all are losers. I call this the Bermuda Triangle (see diagram).

2. TOUGH LOVE

Tough Love is less dependent upon others for a sense of self-worth and self-esteem. A more skilled Care-giver. Self-love and self-esteem is enough to take more positive action. Recognizes own needs and is willing to take responsibility for getting them met. Can confront caringly. "I love myself enough to love you and tell you the truth"... "I can serve you without manipulations".

Can also receive love with openness, does not push it away when it is offered.

"Social Activist Level II", Can separate people from their actions, more focused on issues than on personalities. "We are separate but equal" "I give you responsibility for your actions, the way you lead your life, and I take full responsibility for mine". Can negotiate assertively - i.e. firmly, but without putting the other party down .

This level corresponds more to the level of the psyche called in psychosynthesis, the personal self. There is more discrimination, will, love and energy.

3. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE:-

It is the exploration of what this might be that we do from now on in this seminar - and in life after the seminar! Its mystery and depth cannot be explained. Yet we all recognize its presence and its magic. It reveals itself through joy, which can even increase in adversity. We can learn to see ourselves as moving towards becoming able to express it ever more fully. We can learn the steps in developing this quality, which is still in the process of evolving or revealing itself.

Unconditional love is enlarging the self, and an act of will. It is not a feeling or an emotional reaction. Think of the difference between falling in love, and growing in love through all difficulties and conflicts. Unconditional love is an act of mental and spiritual will, it cannot and does not take place upon the emotional level, which is where the problems first register. Unconditional love is extending oneself in the service of the spiritual growth of oneself and/or another, independently of reward or the behavior of others.

Makeover Madness Happy In Your Own Skin

2007-12-24T05:14:00.000-08:00

Makeover madness, plastic surgery, and being happy with who you are.

I just saw something really sad.

I was flipping through channels, trying to see if there was anything on, and I landed on what I found out was MTV. The show was "I Want to Look Like Someone Famous", or something like that.

I've noticed that there has been an onslaught of such shows.

Everyday people going under the knife to look like someone else. Not subtle little changes like hair coloring or whitening their smile, but drastic makeover changes like chin implants, nose jobs and complete body changes all in the course of a few weeks to look like someone else.

These are perfectly acceptable looking people wanting to look like someone famous.

They are so uncomfortable with who they are, with being in their own skin, that they are willing to put their lives and faces in danger for a makeover to "become" someone else.

I look at the stretch marks forming across my nine-month expectant-mother frame and think how with just a flick of a laser they could be gone.

I look at the wrinkles forming around my eyes and mouth and think how just a few injections of Botox could rid me of those nuisances.

But I realize what those marks are. Reminders of my life experiences!

I can point to which stretch marks are from Zach and which ones are from Selah, due to the different ways I've carried each. The wrinkles around my eyes and mouth are reminders of all the laughs and giggles I've had in my life.

I wouldn't change a one.

Look at your imperfections for what they are, YOURS. You are you, individual and beautiful.

I don't want to look like someone who is famous this year for their 15 minutes. Ten years from now, no one will know who they are, much less who you look like.

I don't want my children to think that their value is found in someone else's fame. They are loved for who they are. They are special for who they are. A makeover will not make them more special.

I heard it best put by the man himself, Fred Rogers. People are like fish. Everyone is fancy in their own way; some on the inside and some on the outside. You just need to figure out how you're fancy and know that no one can take that away from you, unless you let them.

With words of wisdom like that, perhaps in this makeover crazed world we would all do well to spend a little time in "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood".

God! What do I do now?

2007-12-19T06:23:00.000-08:00

I want back, those good old days
When I was happy in my own ways

And now when it all 'really' mattered
I can’t see my dreams being shattered
I try damn hard, but cannot be brave
Feel like a loser, dug my own grave

Curse my fate I just woke up now
Got to pull myself up now somehow
I realise the many mistakes that I made
For those were the ones, for which I paid

I’ve all through lived in my little dreams
To think beyond it now, wiser it seems
I can’t just brush away all my pains
It still hurts, cos the memory remains

Fate’s playing his old cruel joke
I can’t laugh, I’m already broke
It is not easy to bring myself to blame
But I’m being consumed by this flame

Father Time give me another chance
I ‘ll give the past one more glance
I long to make changes to my past
I want happiness that can forever last

It all happened fast, I don’t know how
I’m despairing, god what do I do now?

An Invitation to a Birthday Party

2007-12-19T06:14:00.000-08:00

My daughter's twelfth-birthday party was a nightmare, a social train wreck. It was, of course, a sleepover. I still have the photos of the group at breakfast, seated around the dining room table: sluggish, cranky, ready to go home. And I was ready for them to go. There had been moments during the party the night before when I wanted to send them all packing instantly. "Get out," I wanted to shout. "You're all mean! You're all horrible."

My daughter, Joanna, now sixteen, has long since forgotten that party. It's ancient history to her; she has moved on with her life. When I reminded her recently of the events of that night, she gave a shrug of acknowledgment and went back to what she was doing. I can't forget it that easily.

Let me set the scene-time, place, and characters-for the drama. Joanna's birthday is in late June. That's a good month for birthdays, close enough to the end of the school year so that most of the kids you might want to invite are still around town. At the same time, late-June birthdays don't conflict with the inevitable round of end-of-school events. Best of all, the weather is usually good, which means we can hold a swimming party in our backyard, which borders a lake. When Joanna was nine or ten years old all we needed to throw a successful birthday party were some water balloons, a dock for kids to jump off, and of course cake and ice cream. But parties for twelve-year-olds are a lot more complicated than swimming and cake.

My wife, Theresa, and I had a sense of foreboding about the party when we saw Joanna's guest list. That year our daughter was leaving her public school to go to a private school that offered extensive support for her reading difficulties. Her departure made it inevitable that she was going to lose some friends. Her final social gesture as she left her public school was to invite the entire cool group from her class to her birthday party.

One girl who came to the party was Maria. Maria, like Joanna, was a little different from the mainstream of the class. Her mother was Irish Catholic, her father Korean. They represented an unusual diversity in the town. Maria wasn't absolutely at the center of the cool group either, but she was eager to be, and we had sensed in the past that Maria felt competitive with Joanna. Therein lies the tale of the birthday party.

2007-12-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

If you are spending time looking for ways in which you can improve your relationship, you obviously love and care for your partner and what you want to have together.

Start your changes by celebrating your relationship. Celebrate the joy of having met that one very special person, find joy in the wonderful things that 'click' about you and your spouse and celebrate what you are committed to building together. You can celebrate any day at any time and you can also celebrate by surprising your spouse.

On your next birthday, celebrate your spouse and how he or she makes your existence better by presenting him or her with a gift. He or she will be so surprised that you might see a tear or two of joy fall.

Start paying attention to what he or she likes. Really listen to what your spouse says, pay attention to the items he or she says he would like to try someday and get it for them. Don't give it to your spouse immediately and put the item away for a period of time. The period of time is up to you- it could be a week or it could be a month. When you think that he or she will no longer remember discussing the item with you, present it to them as a gift.

Take over a chore or daily task for your spouse without letting them know about your intentions. Mow the lawn, washing the car, cook and clean up from meals or clean the house- do something substantial for him or her. If you find that he or she loved having the break from a particular task, do it over and over again as often as you can.

One of the most recognizable symbols of a celebration is a balloon! Fill your car with balloons and take them home to him or her. Fill the living room before he or she gets home from work. Make sure you have some balloons marked with your names in hearts on them and some should have personal messages written as well. Begin the celebration of your love today.

Start celebrating each major and minor holiday with your spouse. Begin with New Year's Eve and do it big. Go to New York City and go to Times Square if that's as big as you can think! Valentine's Day should be done as lavishly as possible. On the Fourth of July, plan to attend the most extravagant fireworks display you can find or plan on making fireworks of your own at home. Always celebrate each other's birthdays and do it with flair. Your Anniversary should be a special day and celebrated with an expensive bottle of your favorite drink. Get dressed up on Halloween as your favorite fantasy characters and role-play for the entire evening. Celebrate any and every day you want by staying home from work and playing in bed. Celebrate as often of infrequently as you want to, but make sure you take the time to play, surprise each other and celebrate your relationship.

Wedding Speeches

2007-12-15T18:46:00.000-08:00

I would like to cover every aspect of this topic. In order to keep things short I have only included the major topics detailed as good as possible.

A marriage is a time of joyousness and laughter, and there is no better way to express this than through a wedding speech. Many people find that having to give a speech is akin to upright on the ledge of a 40 story construction with nothing between you and the ground some four hundred or so feet below. However, if handled the right way marriage speeches need not be the machine of torment that we expect it to be.

And this applies not only to the person who has to say the speech, but also to the speaker’s audience, the mediocre captive guests. If you have a good speech in hand, and are somewhat surefooted of your bringing of the speech, you can turn a night – or day – of dreary wedding speeches into something to be marveled at and enjoyed for years to come.

Of course, this is where the bug comes in. To begin with most people find it difficult to get down on paper a speech that is truly good. And for those of us who find ourselves able to write a midway properly marriage speech, most of the time we will write it in such a way that it doesn't sound like something that would come out of our mouths – thereby wrecking a perfectly good delivery even before you get to it.

There are n-ways to circumvent this, like Using speech writing software, or plain and merely Taking a ready prepared speech off the internet, but there is a better method and this involves Taking on the services of professional person writers who have experience in authorship wedding speeches.

For those of us who will resort to this method to get a great speech in our hands, the professional person writers will be able to give you a few first drafts of marriage speeches for you to opt from, whereat you can then decide on a manner that you like for you own wedding speech.

Once you have the wedding speech in your hands, the next step to devising the sure everybody at the marriage enjoys at lowest one of the wedding speeches, is to make sure that you either practice your speech until you’re easy with it, or you go through it a pair of times to familiarise yourself with it.

You can even jot down a few notes, rather on the back of a palm sized card. You will then be able to reference back to these crucial points to make sure that your speech is staying on track.

And if the unthinkable happens and you have to change your speech more or less to suit the other wedding speeches of the moment, organize beforehand with confidence. You have the power to give a good speech, and deep down you know it... for more information on this topic, please check our web site by following our link below...

In conclusion I’d like to say thank you to you for reading this article and good luck with any issues related to this information.

My Marriage and What It Means for You

2007-12-15T18:42:00.000-08:00

Marylyn Mann Warren and I were married in Santa Monica, California on March 22, 1959. For 43 years we have enjoyed what I would rate as an "A" marriage, and we have experienced the good life at a level far above any we had a reasonable right to expect.

I wish I could describe what it's like to be married to this woman. The experience of being with her is far better than I know how to put into words. But I want to try.

When I wake up and see her every morning, our relationship seems fresh and alive. We report on our night -- our sleep, our dreams, the peacefulness of our "time away" -- and I sense she listens intently to my report because she really cares. This morning she brought me some strawberries -- clean and sliced -- and the morning paper. Without speaking a word, we both try hard to sense the other person's needs and quietly meet them. She is better at this than I am, but I feel more and more motivated with the years.

She finished paying all our bills this morning. I trust her totally with every aspect of our life together. And she seems to trust me too. Our trust for one another is deeper than I know how to measure.

And she wrapped a present for our daughter's birthday this morning too. Her love for our three daughters and our nine grandchildren is as pure as falling snow. She just flat out loves every member of her family. I can't imagine having someone love "my" daughters and "my" grandchildren as much as she does.

She headed off to the gym when I left for the office for a radio interview. I was on with a woman in Louisville who was talking with me about my book, "Date...or Soul Mate?" This bright and articulate interviewer said right off that she doesn't believe in soul mates. I said, "Let me tell you about Marylyn." And when I finished with my description of what my soul mate is for me, it suddenly occurred to me that the thought of ever being without Marylyn triggers anxiety in me. When you've found your soul mate, you don't even want to imagine what life would be like without them.

I tell audiences all across the country that if anybody wants to stay single, they should be encouraged to do so. There is absolutely no theoretical requirement to marry, and we should pressure no one to think they need to be married to be "enough."

But as soon as I say this, I always reflect on how magnificent my life with Marylyn has been and is. I secretly believe that being married to your soul mate is the richest part of the human experience, an experience of heaven on earth, and I will never grow weary of rattling on about being the fortunate man who found the woman who has graced my life so lavishly all these years.

I've sometimes wondered how I was so "fortunate" to find Marylyn -- and I hope, of course, that she feels "so fortunate" too.

Maybe we have good intuition about how to select a marriage partner, but I don't really believe in "intuition." In "Finding the Love of Your Life," I argue strongly against the use of it to make a wise and prudent selection of a soul mate. But if it wasn't intuition that brought Marylyn and me together, I get really nervous. To the best of my knowledge, we didn't know enough about the rules of mate selection to make a decision that would serve us well for a year or two, let alone 43 years and counting.

And four of our six closest friends in growing up have each been married THREE times. They were at least as bright as Marylyn and I are, at least as well meaning and hard working. Why did our marriage thrive? There's no good reason -- except we blindly managed to pair ourselves with someone with whom we were, quite by chance I think, well matched.

As marriages around us began to crumble, and as I thought about our three daughters getting married, I desperately didn't want them to fail in this critical area of their lives. And I didn't want them to have to rely on the same good "fortune" on which Marylyn and I had so unwittingly depended.

And so, years ago, I began to look for the rules that govern good mate selection. For 35 years of clinical practice, I watched hundreds of marriages succeed or fail on the basis of the keeping of (or not keeping) these yet unknown rules. Eventually, we began to pin these rules down through our research. And now, we are deeply confident that we have a list of matching variables, of "critical rules," that make it possible for us to match two people with considerably higher odds for a lifetime of happiness.

What I passionately want for every couple that gets married through eHarmony is for them to have a marriage that is as gratifying as the marriage Marylyn and I have. You know I am not bragging when I say that we are best friends, that we have found profound meaning in our relationship and our family, that we have experienced deep joy in our life together.

We are so outlandishly fortunate. We walked over thin ice in the dark of night, and it didn't break. No one needs to count on this level of luck and chance. The rules seem so clear now. They require hard work, but I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that a soul mate relationship is worth every bit of hard work it requires. It is, on this earth, the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Famous Friends

2007-12-13T07:53:00.000-08:00

It was New Years Eve, I'd spent the evening at my friend's house playing board games and eating. It struck me how this was a real thirty something's way to spend New Year. I must also really be a grown up as I was enjoying it. After midnight we watched Jools Holland's annual Hootenanny show. In the audience were two people I once knew. One was a guy I went to drama school with; the other talking to him was someone I shared a flat with, both of whom have become successful TV and film actors. It was odd to see the two of them talking. Would it be important to them that they both knew me? I doubt it; I was having that familiar strange feeling I feel when I see people who are no longer in my life on TV and film. Having worked in theatre with actors for this long, and known rock stars and comedians, you would think I was used to this feeling by now. However I had never really put my finger on what this feeling was. I worried it could be the green eyed monster called jealousy. As it's a new year I felt it was time for a new start and to analyse this emotion and see what it could be.

I thought back to the first time I tried to break into 'the fame game'. I was nineteen and I put forward my friend and myself for a TV show. He got it and I didn't. Yep that feeling was jealousy, and nasty 'what if's' filled my mind. In the end, the event never made any difference to his life at all; somehow I had thought that it would. I first wanted to be famous when I was at school. At school the main topic of conversation is last night's TV. I felt if I was on TV that I would get some respect and people would like me. The first time I was on TV as part of a studio audience and then later to do a talk on drugs, I heard word back from a girl I hadn't seen since school three years before, who said 'Becky Walsh hasn't changed at all, she is still as crap as she was at school'. So the illusion of fame was gone.

At drama school I studied stage management. I have worked with many actors, both famous and not so famous. I have found the famous ones tend to be (on the whole) nicer than the non-famous ones. It seems to me that the less you have to prove, the more you can be yourself. This is with the exception of Rupert Everett, who I will never forgive for an incident at the Hampstead theatre involving a smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel. Though my life I have found myself falling into work on stage and TV. Doing stand up comedy, talks and bits of theatre. My most significant moment was Co-writing, performing and producing 'Wretch' a one-woman show at The New End Theatre in Hampstead. I had never done anything so scary, but so wonderful in my life. I was truly changed by it. The feeling it left me with stayed for many years. Like the one thing I had ever done in my life that was really worthwhile. Until I realised that it might just become the only thing I ever do in my life that is worthwhile. As more people I once knew became publicly recognised I realised I didn't want to have an ordinary life. I found the odd feeling I had in my stomach was worse when it was a person I had helped in someway in the past. Their life moving on without my friendship and me feeling like I wasn't moving at all. A few odd things had happened. One was seeing my ex-boyfriend be married by Robbie Williams. The other was, having lived under the same roof as Nick Frost and Simon Pegg, watching the Channel Four sitcom 'Spaced,' which had more than one reference to our time living together in Cricklewood.

I realised that whatever it was I wanted to do with my life, it was to make a difference in someone else's life. My psychic Mediumship work was coming on strongly. I was running it alongside my theatre career. I had found that the feeling this work gave me matched up to the feelings from 'Wretch'. I remembered why I had always wanted to get involved with theatre. It was to give the audience that feeling when you leave the auditorium seeing something that has really changed you. I get that opportunity everyday with my work. I also realised that channelling spirit message to an audience or on TV or Radio would get the message out there and touch more people. The true purpose of why I have always felt drawn to the media became apparent. It's a fantastic tool for healing.

Taking all this into account, I realised that part of my feeling was indeed jealousy, although more so in the past than over New Year. People fulfilling their dreams remind you that yours are also possible. So you can be positive and make it happen, or you can be negative and wish it were you. But apart from the slight pang of envy, sitting watching my old friends celebrating with a host of other glamorous celebs live on TV, I realised what it was. You know when you see someone you haven't seen for ages in the street, there is always a weird feeling. But if you get to stop and talk at least for a short time a connection is made again. By seeing these people on TV, I still have a connection to them, as if I still know them. They have no connection to me and I am in fact a part of their past, one I guess they don't look back on much. I look back on it, as I am seeing them, I can't help it. Like all of your old photos being displayed on TV when you don't expect them to be there. I always find it hard to let go of people, and seeing them is like a tidemark on the bath, visibly and sometimes painfully showing how much you have changed. When someone is famous they are often changed. There is less chance of bumping into them in the street and if you did you might think they wouldn't want to speak to you, or they wouldn't remember you. You would probably be right. I feel it must be hard for actors bumping into other actors. Because when you have got somewhere your friends want to be, you may feel apologetic about it, making both parties uncomfortable.

As a psychic, I have friends who knew me when I worked in theatre. These are the people I can say anything to; without them thinking it might have more meaning than the basic opinion of Becky Walsh, who let's face it, can be wrong. The channelled message is correct, but when I'm not working, of course I can be wrong in my opinion. I was once at a friend's house for dinner, a couple were having a bit of a row. As I left the house I was asked if I thought the couple would stay together. I said 'I doubt it the way they went on tonight'. That then became a psychic prediction! I love my old friends for not doing that, and the new ones who are clued up. So being famous must be a bit like that; it feels like you can only be yourself with fewer and fewer people. Having famous friends can become a definition of yourself, because you know them it makes you more interesting. Of course this is an illusion. I went out on a dinner date with a man who was in a famous band in the 80's. As we sat talking three men came over and joined us for a short time. My dinner partner was disappointed that I didn't recognise them, as they were at number one in the charts with 'Spaceman' two weeks before. I'm sure it made him feel more interesting to me because he knew them.

In truth we don't have the connection we feel we have with the people on the TV. But that doesn't stop us feeling it. I've done it myself when I've said hello to a face I recognise, only to find out I've only known them from TV. The feeling you have for old friends who do well is a mixed up one of pride and loss.

Can We Be Friends? Shifting From Partnership to Friendship

2007-12-12T07:54:00.000-08:00

It's the dreaded four-word phrase… "Can we be friends?" It's a classic break-up line, but it's also an issue that must be faced when a relationship hits the rocks. In reality, the questions ought to be "should we be friends?" And, if so, "how will we define that relationship?" Below are some points to ponder when facing the partnership to friendship dilemma.

Take Care of Business:

Whether it's a marriage or simply a significant partnership, there are issues that you must manage when the romance ends. In the case of divorce, there is a legal process to manage. There may be property to divide. Decisions may have to be made about mutual friends and whether those relationships can continue. Focus first on the "business" of ending your relationship. It is your responsibility to manage this process with knowledge and dignity.

Take Care of Yourself:

Your first thought should not be about the place your ex will hold in your future. Focus on healing yourself. Take time to reflect on the relationship and learn the inevitable lessons that arise from that experience. Use your support network to heal emotionally. Use exercise, hobbies and your favorite activities to keep yourself physically active and vibrant. In most cases, you can't rely on your ex to help you recover or to garner closure. Fix yourself first.

Evaluate Your Intentions:

When approaching a friendship with an ex, take time to understand your motives for pursuing that relationship. Remember what defines a friendship: conversation, connection, support and mutual interests. Again, if your motive is to seek closure, "check up" on your former partner, rekindle your romance or inflict some sort of revenge on the one that wronged you, it is probably best to let more time past. If you are truly friends, time will not diminish that connection. Don't rush into something that is unhealthy or dysfunctional.

Assess Their Value:

From time to time, we all clean out our closets, getting rid of the clothes that no longer suit us. Too often, we don't do this with our friends and acquaintances. It is important that we fill our lives with people who bring value to our existence. Make a list of pros and cons to nurturing a friendship with your former partner. Realize that the same reasons that led to the relationship's end may be the factors that make a friendship with your ex unbeneficial. Be prepared to acknowledge the fact that someone who was a critical part of your past may not have a place in your future.

Set Rules and Stick By Them:

It happens all the time. You meet with a partner from the past for a friendly drink. One drink turns into six. Suddenly the time machine has been ignited and you are making mistakes you'll regret in the morning. Especially in the early stages of the friendship transition, it is important to set ground rules. If at any point in the evening your feelings shift to an unbalanced state, stand firm and go home. Set limits on your interaction if necessary to keep the situation platonic and positive.